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tana_is_me
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I think that somewhere deep down inside of me, I don't want to succeed, that is why I keep sabotaging myself. I know I have to study and as Lee says, "this is the most important test of your life", I still have a hard time forcing myself to keep on track. It is very sad, but I don't know what to do!!!! what happened to me? in highschool, I had a 3yr, 5yr, and 10yr plan. I KNEW where I was gonna be and do in life, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GIRL? the one who wanted to be #1. WHERE IS SHE?? come BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I should just go be a farmer, grow my own vegetables to eat and trap animals for meat. no need for electricity, indoor plumbing or modern conveniences, I could survive, maybe................. anyways, the tension in the apartment here is bad, a battle of the roommates. it makes me really want to go home. 10 days and I'll be home, in my own room...ahh heaven.
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 confused | |
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the number of days left is getting smaller and I'm close to freaking out but you gotta do what you gotta do. I already put it off once but this time I'm doing it. I just have physics review left, I finished everything already and will mostly focus on drills next with full length tests spread out over the next 3 weeks. I would pray for a good score but I remember reading somewhere that you shouldn't pray for good grades or wealth because you can get good grades by studying hard and money by working hard. so true. on a brighter note, I went to a hip hop class with Neda yesterday at the RSF. amazing that I would do something so totally out of character. it was fun but hard, I couldn't remember all the steps and it got pretty messy in the end. it wasn't that much of a workout and I barely sweat at all. anywho, I just got back from a pre-med jumpstart thing I realized that I am screwed since I need my letters of rec NOW but I don't even know if my old professors remember me. crap............. I want to cry............
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 sad | |
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each day is now divided into 6 four hour blocks, 3 blocks (12 hours for studying: morning afternoon and evening), 2 blocks are for sleeping and the left over block is for all the other stuff. I've been getting stressed out these past few days and have a hard time sleeping so it doesn't feel like I've gotten enough rest which makes me sleepy during the day and ruins my schedule. Plus I think I may be getting sick which is the worst shit ever to happen since the last time I got sick in feburary, I lost 2 weeks of studying time. So everyday I drink a glass of orange juice and take vitamins and eat green vegetables at least twice a week. But I really have to solve this sleeping problem fast.One solution I came up with was since I can't sleep might as well study until I fall asleep which sounds really good but it could weaken my immune system so that is not good. I'll have to think of something, and do it. since time is running out.
Yesterday was a total waste since I got nothing done and was totally off my study schedule and getting back on track today was very difficult. I really want to just say screw it to everything and just get married like my mom wants me to and not have to deal with all this crap. But then again, I really don't want to get married and going to med school is my way of gaining independence and getting everyone off my case. even my aunt was like, pick: get married or med school. WTH? I'm not that old yet (I'm heading there but I try not to think about it) and what century is this anyways for me to have to get married just because I'm a girl? ........... I'm so tired and the real battle hasn't even started yet.
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exhausted | |
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I totally slacked off during the weekend so I have to make up for it today. Had the first round of coffee at 10 and left for the library and now I came back for lunch at 3 and the second round of coffee then I'm off to study again. My neck hurts and my shoulder muscles are tense, too much stress but hey can't help it, you just gotta do it since I aim for as close to a prefect score as I can get. Plus considering the fact that I forgot mostly everything since college a couple years back, I am at a disadvantage. Over the wekkend, I saw Mukodono which is about a Japanese singer who leads a secret life and hides his marriage to fans, it's played by that guy in my bos my hero, and it was pretty good. The contrast between the real him and the superstar him were so stark. anywho, then there was the ancient chinese period dramas, war and beauty (only saw a few episodes for background and since I didn't like the cast much, I just skipped to the end), and war of the in laws, which I watched in madarine with chinese subs but didn't understand a word they were saying but it worked somehow. and it was pretty funny. it was about the conflict between a very overbearing mother in law and her new daughter in law who was the wrong bride. then I caught up with my current animes, capeta, major, saiunkoku monotagari, and some others. many people may wonder how I can watch so much but my tolerance for anime and drama is very high, my record is 2 straight days non-stop until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. but I haven't done that since last year. ahh the good ole days where life was so easy. well this completes my hour break so off to study now. ja
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 lethargic | |
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I studied for a solid 7 hours yesterday. so I took a breather and got sidetracked. I've been watching the chinese martial arts drama Handsome Brothers with Nicholas Tse and Dicky, who is so freaking funny. Then of course there is Nicholas who is dressed in all white. I have a weakness for guys in white >_< But I have to leave soon to put in another 8 hours today. I figure I need to study for between 8-10 hours. But it will be worth it in the end. so suffer now and party later.
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 amused | |
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It's been so long that I forgot my username and all that. But now that I recovered it, I decided to write.
Lots of changes in my life these past few months. First off, I'm back in California again, home sweet home. I spent about 2 weeks in San Diego with my older sister and her husband and their dog ZuShi. It was a great time, I didn't study or anything just relaxed. Then I came up to Berkeley to stay with my younger sister and to study for the MCAT this May. So far my laziness has cause me to be behind my study schedule but since I have a little over 30 some days left, the pressure is almost unbearable. But I always did work well under pressure so it should be alright.
I decided to really try this time, the last time I attempted to take the MCAT, I got so scared that I put it off for 2 years. I guess my greatest fear is failure. I never took failure or defeat well. Anyways there is so much to think about for the future and sometimes I feel really lost but somehow I will get through all this and find my way.
SIDE NOTE: I was suppose to go study but wanted to check my email but ended up playing around as usual. >_< |
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So I finished 'Choon Hyang' yesterday and I take back all the bad thoughts and stuff about Jae Hee. He really changed towards the end and I gotta say, it was GOOD. I did the whole watching the last episode first thing again and was like WTH! He turned out so well, and it really surprised me how they had the "a FEW YEARS LATER" thing and they grew up! when I saw him as the District Attorney and in a suit, I was like AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! No way! He was so cool, kicking ass and beating up the bad guys, and I saw the last 3 episodes 3 times. I've never done that for any drama before, I just really like the end, but not the middle part which I still haven't seen since I just stopped at ep9 and saw 13-17. Then I realized that there was a lot of action in this series compared to other dramas with just day to day stuff. maybe that is why I like it. The OST is also good. I got up today and cleaned my room and did some laundry cause my dad was telling me that I had to get up and I've been watching drama non-stop for 5 days. They leave for a vacation to Canada in 3 days so it's gonna be great with them gone, I can stay up late and do whatever I want. hehe. My parents are afraid that I will starve to death since I'm too lazy to make food to eat. It'll all work out somehow even though I can cook! They plan to make food and freeze it for me. I just started a new k-drama, "Hotelier" , I just finished the first episode but I haven't decide if I want to continue yet. I must enjoy the good times now cause I will have to make a decision at the end of the month about what I want to do with my life and that totally sucks!
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good | |
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I've been watching drama, k-drama, taiwanese drama and j-drama. I saw 18 episodes of "It started with a kiss" straight. It was almost a whole day, I finished and went to bed at 8am. It was GREAT! and I didn't have to get up and go to work! NO MORE WORK!!!! so I've just been sitting at home for 4 days now. Mostly just watching drama. Finished "My Girl". I was watching the final episode and my mom walks into my room and says "are you crying?" and I said "yeah, cause it's sad! And I don't even know what they are saying since the subs aren't out yet". Then she gives me this 'how did I give birth to THIS thing that laughs and cries from watching a drama' look. oh well, I thought I was weird too when I cried buckets watching "Full House" and other sad parts in dramas but it turns out, lots of people cry too (I learned this from the soompi people). I also watched "My name is Kim Sam Soon", it was ok I guess, my sister says I'm vain cause I didn't like the lead actress being chubby (I can't believe they had her gain that much weight for the part). Right now, I'm half way through "Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang" but I'm stalling since I don't want to watch the scene where the president dude gets heartbroken (AGAIN). Why is it always like that in the drama??? So far in everything drama I've watched, girl#1 FALLS IN LOVE WITH GUY#1, guy#1 of course is IN LOVE WITH GIRL#2 then comes GUY#2 who FALLS IN LOVE WITH GIRL#1. Girl#2 is of course EVIL (there are many degrees of evil, but most of them are REALLY evil). I of course root for girl#1/guy#1 pair but sometimes I just want to cry for guy#2 cause it is so sad! (wait, I think I did cry for Lee Jun Ki in 'My Girl' cause he was the saddest and most of the scenes had him teary eyed and you have to cry too). So for 'Choon-Hyang', guy#2=president dude, I totally feel sorry for you. I am actually rooting for you, since I don't particularly care for guy#1 (played by Jae Hee who is really short! 178cm compared to others: Lee Dong Wook 'my girl' 185cm, Joon Ji Hoon 'goong' 187cm, Hyun Buin 'sam soon' 184cm, and the tallest so far, Joe Cheng 'kiss' 188cm! so right now, I am pretty obbessed with cute actors, of course I never really cared much but after watching these dramas, I'm turning into a FREAK! I might even paper my walls with posters. anywho, I should go finish watching 'choon-hyang' or maybe I should just skip to the last episode (I do this a lot when I get impatient like how I read the ending of the book first)
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blah | |
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clubbox. i had to go learn how to use this again. i had to use this before for goong raws a while back but i forgot how to use it. so i had to sit there and figure it out again, everything being written in korean didn't help much but i got through and am now downloading HQ episodes 1-2. hehe, but man, its slow...., maybe i should dl the LQ now and get the HQ ones later.... since i'm on my laptop and i don't want to overheat it.... crap, what if i'm downloading the unsubbed eps. i don't want to think about it so i should just let it keep downloading. 45kbps....6% so far cause these are 600-700MB episodes. manga- i will really work on more releases after january 31. my translator is sending me 2 pages a day so its going good on that front. |
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i've been at the soompi forum checking up on goong, the drama. lots of excitement there. I guess i count as a fanatic too. since i did spend $50 to have the manhwa shipped from korea. anywho, i want to watch the drama since it should end before the actual manhwa and maybe i'll get some closure. cause waiting for the manhwa to end will be sometime in the far future and i want to know how it will end. i just finished reading a rough translation of v8 ch2 and it was getting good. of course i was suppose to be translating manga instead of spending my time at soompi but i couldn't resist. I also got back translations for the next chapter of PGE!!!! yay! but then i found out what an idiot i was. cause instead of sending out ch47 to the editors, i sent out ch48, which means that i will be editing ch47 myself and typesetting. ahhhh a chance to go back and edit again, well it can't be helped so i must do it. but i feel so sleepy and its barely 8 something. i should start on it right now and get off my lazy ass. or i could wake up early and do it, but i'm not a morning person soooooooooo.....
But thinking about how many people love and want to read PGE, i should be able to convince myself to finish at least half of it and have a release out for a weekend release.......no promises but i will try!!
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 sleepy | |
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well, its been a few days since i released the last chapter of PGE v11. The channel had peaked at about 60 something which is pretty crappy but understandable since i disappeared for a few months. people probrably thought i died or something. anyways, v12 is coming along, its being translated by my new translator, exizil, and i should be getting the first half of the first chapter any day now so it should be up for release in 2 weeks max. but i'm thinking i should start another project too since i'm starting to get my life back and actually have some free time for manga. i think i will be releasing a new project tomorrow, maybe today if i don't get too lazy >_< i'm about half done translating, so all that's left is to typeset. i wonder what the reaction will be. i was only going to release half of it but the chapter is only 30 pages so it would be bad to just do 15 pages (shounen manga get away with only having to do 15 pages!) well, my files are pretty much a mess and will take some time to clear and organize but i think right now the most important thing is to release manga. so i will focus on that. and i must get off my lazy bum bum and actually put in some effort. well so now i must go back and finish translating the chapter. |
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yep, k-drama like the subject says, "Full House" to be exact. Never saw it, but heard people talk about it. So I gave it a try on my last break day. Which cause me to blow everything off and I got nothing done that day. cause I watched all 16 episodes back to back. I started at like 4pm or something and finished it at around noon the next day, I had to watch the last episode at work. I stayed up until 6am and slept for 3 hours and went to work at 9am. But I guess it was worth it. The begining was abit slow but the story did pick up towards the middle and end. It was a great drama, it made me laugh and it made me cry. But I have to get back to manga for a bit so maybe I'll check out some more drama. But I absolutely will be watching goong when it airs next week in korea. Right now I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating anything. I've been like this for about 2 days. My parents are forcing me to eat but I don't want to, so I'm mostly drinking chocolate milk. Maybe I'll have some pudding too. It's really weird cause I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. Oh well, hope I get my appetite back soon.
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hungry | |
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Daddy gave me THREE days off. I almost cried from the joy of getting not one but three days off!!!
He told me to go clean my room and do stuff so I can come back to work and be productive. SO first I will be reading my backlog email, all 1,500 of them..... Then I shall be doing some downloading and uploading for the groups. WOW 3 whole days!!!!!!!!!!! |
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So let's see.... 1)the #manga_hosterz channel got unregistered, and I can't re-register it with all the people in there. I can't kick them cause I don't have op. that sucks. I either have to ask everyone to leave and hope that I can re-register or I have to make a new channel, but either way it means lots of work cause the access list got deleted 2)my computer is dead, well maybe not dead, but close enough. so now i need to remove the hard drives and maybe built a new desktop or maybe I should just buy a new one. must wait ans see 3)manga must go on..... after january 31st, I will be a free person, which means no more working, i'll get to stay home the whole day, so lots of free time!!!!! 4)i finished PGE ch46, channel ops, if you are reading this, email me and I'll send it to you. the official release date will be sometime in january. 5)for the moment, I am still working 80 hour weeks so you still won't see me until next month. 6)apologies for my long absence anyways, 56 days left until freedom...... |
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well, it took me a few hours yesterday, but I finished the chapter. I was going to release it this morning but when I was going through checking for grammar and stuff, I found one page with about 4 bubbles missing text, oops. and I forgot to bring the manga with me to work so I guess it will have to be released tomorrow instead. eekk. gomenasai minna. its raining today. i got to use my umbrella. hehe. ame ga daisuki desu. on the mental front, I'm hanging in there, but sometimes I have good days and bad days, it's almost like being bipolar. i feel so depressed sometimes and just want everything to end but on good days like this one, life is okay and i can cope with everything. i just wish for lots of good days and none of the bad ones. well, must go to work |
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i haven't opened my comp in 4 days, my mailbox was overflowing and i still need to sort that out. i've been sick. a bad head cold, its been almost 5 days but i feel a little better. the running nose has stopped and the coughing is minimal but i get so easily tired. i sleep about 10 hours so my body can rest but i still feel like crap in the morning. at the moment, my personal life is in upheaval. my parents are calling it quits after 26 years of marriage. notice i didn't say divorce cause when you are chinese, you are married for life until death do they part. but my dad still moved his stuff out of the master bedroom and into one of the spare rooms, plus he took off his wedding ring (very difficult cause he must have gotten fatter cause it took a lot of pulling to get it off). I guess it kinda makes me sad a bit, but if they aren't happy, they shouldn't have to live with it. my dad said it was for the kids that he stayed with my mom and i kinda understand cause my mom is just one difficult lady. but since my youngest brother is turning 18, daddy says its time. so i'm kinda emotional raw and stuff with all this to deal with plus the 12 hour work days, plus i'm trying to persuade my dad to sell the business and retire. but i estimate that everything should be in place by the new year. i'm going to try and finish PGE ch45 but i might hold off on ch46 since, i really don't have the time and energy for it. Tana's mental and physical wellbeing is number one priority right now. |
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life busy. it seems i am at an important junction in my life. deciding what i want to do next. taking up lots of my time and so my manga/anime time is cut down to mostly nothing these days, but when i figure it all out, it should all be well. time mangaement. plain and simple. just need to make it work |
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well, reality has burst my little heaven and has caused an upheaval of everything. so i had to take a week off to sort everything out and make the two parts of my life exist harmoniously. it's hard but i'll manage somehow. so this week i'll still be in the process of organizing and stuff so i should be back in full force this weekend with a new full chapter release and maybe something extra. |
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It rained with lots of thunder and lightening. It was loudand woke me up often. So I didn't get good sleep last night. Plus lots of things happened since the weekend which I didn't have time to post. First off, I will not be continuing Tokyo Crazy Paradise becuase it seems that a [LQ] version has been released and it would just be a waste of my precious time to do something someone else already did. So it is a pass on that. So the big question is what should I take up instead. And then there was the dvd burner incident. So I wanted to burn my anime and watch it on my tv with a dvd player so I went out and brought a dvd writer. After 2 days of trying to get it to work, I ended up very pissed off, a dvd is stuck in the drive and won't come out, and I have plans to go back to fry's and return it. grrrrrr It has not been a very pleasant week for me. I can only hope that it will get better.
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 cranky | |
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It rained with lots of thunder and lightening. It was loud and woke me up often. So I didn't get good sleep last night. Plus lots of things happened since the weekend which I didn't have time to post. First off, I will not be continuing Tokyo Crazy Paradise becuase it seems that a [LQ] version has been released and it would just be a waste of my precious time to do something someone else already did. So it is a pass on that. So the big question is what should I take up instead. And then there was the dvd burner incident. So I wanted to burn my anime and watch it on my tv with a dvd player so I went out and brought a dvd writer. After 2 days of trying to get it to work, I ended up very pissed off, a dvd is stuck in the drive and won't come out, and I have plans to go back to fry's and return it. grrrrrr It has not been a very pleasant week for me. I can only hope that it will get better.
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cranky | |
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tana_is_me's journal